


A Touch as Soft as Angel’s Wings

by bothersomepotato



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Falling In Love, Guardian Angel AU, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, probably very out of chracter but I tried my best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-15 20:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9254999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bothersomepotato/pseuds/bothersomepotato
Summary: Victor Nikiforov died too young, so the heavens gave him another change to find out how to live and love as Yuuri Katsuki’s guardian angel.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a quick idea I got the other day so I decided to write it. English isn't my mother tongue so I'm sorry if it's poorly written..(I really need a beta.) I hope you enjoy it anyways, let me know if you do, and I'll also gladly listen if you point out any mistakes. :) Also, this is kind of an introduction chapter with with a lot of time skips. There will be less of them in the future.

Victor Nikiforov had died too young. That’s what every newspaper, television program and sports commentator said after the tragic accident he had gotten into. Some said that he had got too much too early and it had been impossible for his good luck to continue forever. Victor’s life had been a win after a win, a journey from podium to podium doing the sport he loved with all his heart. Skating had made him feel free, beautiful and accepted. He had loved the world and known the world loved him back. The feeling of his blades against the hard surface of the ice, a blurry reflection he could see of himself when he looked down and the cheers of the audience and euphoric feeling after every successful performance had made him feel at home. For Victor, love had always been all about figure skating. About the sound of the sportscaster in a big hall filled with people, about the sound of his skates hitting the ice of his empty home ring in st.Petersburg, about the beautiful sound of every track he’d ever skated to. However, the last sound he ended up hearing wasn’t beautiful. He hated the sound of a hospital monitor. It was so cold and distant, and an unmistakable signal for the end. Victor Nikiforov had died too young, and he knew it himself too.

What he hadn't known, however, was that even the heavens thought it had been too early for him to go.

 

*

 

Yuuri Katsuki was seventeen years old when he encountered the first situation he was about to get badly hurt in. He knew it had been his own stupid mistake, his own fault for being too ambitious and attempting a jump he pretty much knew he couldn’t do. He wasn’t sure why he did it, maybe to impress Yuuko who was watching him closely or just to boost up his own self-confidence, which hadn’t been that good lately. It was just a quick thought, a quick “ _I’ll do it!_ ” and for a moment it had really felt like flying, until his blades hit the ice in a totally wrong angle and suddenly the feeling of freedom changed to panic, and he felt like his whole word was slipping away. What if I get hurt so badly I can never skate again? He could faintly hear Yuuko’s worried voice yelling his name but if was mostly drowning under the loud sound of his own rapidly beating heart. He could see the distance between him and the hard ice shortening, and he knew nothing could be done anymore in this total loss of balance.

It felt like magic. It was impossible, and Yuri knew it. It didn’t go according to the laws of physics, it was completely absurd. Yuri closed his eyes waiting for the pain, the moment his shoulder would hit the hard surface of the ice and his ankle would twist in a way that would definitely mean he would have to stay off ice for at least a month. But instead of the cold ice against his cheek and striking pain in his body he felt a light touch against his side, pulling him up gently so that he could regain his balance, and caressing his cheek lightly before disappearing without a trace. Yuuri opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of a person that had been helping him, but there was nobody to been seen. He could swear it had been a hand of a person, he knew he had sensed the warmth, the press of fingers against his skin.

“Yuuri!” He heard Yuuko calling him. “Are you okay? How did you do that? You were totally going to fall..I was so scared!”

Yuuri looked down at his own hands, shook his head lightly and closed his eyes to mutter a quiet answer. ”I’m okay… I think. How? I really don’t know.”

 

*

 

Victor leaned on the wall of the Hasetsu ice castle skating ring. It was his third day back on earth after he had died in a car crash on the slippery roads of Russian winter. It had been totally weird – to know he was going to die, to taste the blood in his mouth and feel the pain coming too much to bear, to know it was over, and then slowly open his eyes and find out that he was in Japan, in the room of this seventeen-year-old Japanese boy with glasses, cute and a bit chubby face and a room filled with pictures of Victor. He had learned that there were three things different from his previous life. He could not be seen or heard by anybody, he could see the news of him being dead everywhere, and he could not leave the Japanese boy’s side. There was this invisible string that seemed to tie him to the boy. To _Yuuri Katsuki._ Not that Victor really minded that. He found Yuuri to be interesting. The Japanese boy loved skating just like he did, and that alone made Victor want to learn more about him.

Victor smiled lightly when watching the Yuuri do his step sequences. They were amazing, even though Victor knew he would have done it better himself. He was the world champion after all. But there was still something in Yuuri’s skating he knew he himself had lacked. Even though it was slightly flawed, it somehow had its own feeling to it. He knew Yuuri was going to go far. He loved the ice and it was clear to see. The way he moved reminded Victor of himself. He was confident that the ice would carry him. The difference was Yuuri clearly didn’t think the same way about people watching him. He didn’t think others thought he looked beautiful while skating, and Victor could see that. Such a shame, he thought, he moves so beautifully he’d surely make everybody cheer for him if he believed a bit more in himself.

Suddenly Victor frowned. Yuuri was going to do a jump, and Victor could see his speed and angle for it were totally wrong. _He’s going to fall_ , he thought, _if he falls badly he has to stop skating. I don’t want that._ He moved. He knew he had to prevent this accident from happening. He had to save this boy from falling. He was already dead, and he had accepted it. There weren’t many things that mattered for him anymore, but one of the things he still loved was skating, and this boy was his reason to hold onto that love. Yuuri was his link to his past, his link to the life and love he had once had. So he moved.

 

*

 

The second time Yuuri ended up putting himself in danger was on a calm summer’s day a year later. The grass was swaying in a soft breeze and birds and bugs kept making their sounds. It was so hot most of the people would stay inside, in a place where the rays of the sun wouldn’t be able to catch them. Yuuri, however, was out, jogging with his water bottle in his other hand while his feet hit the pavement in a steady rhythm. Victor was following him close behind, cheering him on even though it didn’t really matter when Yuri couldn’t hear anything he said. Victor loved moments like this, normal moments of everyday life. He could hear Yuuri’s heavy breathing and see the determination in his face. He would continue running, he wouldn’t give up. Victor liked that about Yuuri. Even though he was shy and didn’t really believe in himself, he was really determined to achieve his goals. When the Japanese boy finally stopped to drink, Victor told him good job. It almost felt like being a coach. He would analyze Yuuri’s mistakes during his skating programs and come up with solutions for them, support him from the background and make sure he didn’t get hurt. Sometimes Victor thought that if he was still alive would he ever gotten a chance to live a life like this? To help somebody else than himself improve?

“It’s so hot..”Yuuri muttered to himself and Victor laughed. It was hot, he could feel it too. It didn’t matter, however, because he knew he would have been out running on a day like this too, even though it might not have been the wisest solution. Yuuri made sure to keep himself hydrated however, so Victor didn’t really feel like he had to worry. “I guess I have to continue,”Yuuri voiced and turned to cross the street.

Victor’s eyes widened when he spotted the car speeding down the street. It didn’t look like it was going to slow down at all, and the driver was probably either drunk or totally out of his mind. Victor grabbed Yuuri’s hand as fast as he could and pulled him back from the road just in time to let the car slip past them and continue its pointless racing against nothing.

Yuuri fell from the force of the pull, which made Victor immediately kneel down and spill out a series of unheard “ _Are you okay?_ ”s and” _Did you hurt yourself_?”s. Yuuri stayed still and silent for a moment, breathing shakily with his eyes wide, staring at the road in front of him. After ten minutes of stillness he finally looked around him, searching for somebody who had saved him, but there wasn’t anybody he could see this time either. His weak voice whispered in the air the words “Who are you?”

Victor couldn’t answer no matter how much he wanted to, so he just slightly touched Yuuri’s cheek again. The Japanese boy lifted his hand to his cheek to feel the skin Victor had touched, closed his eyes and muttered a quiet “Thank you.”

 

*

 

There were times when Victor wanted to take part in Yuuri’s life as somebody else as a protector too. Sometimes he just really wanted to make him a cup of hot chocolate after a really bad day. However, even though Victor was physically able to touch things like cups and spoons he ended up not doing anything, because a floating cup of hot drink would probably have made Yuuri freak out and also something told him he _shouldn’t do_ things like that. Other times he just really wanted to touch Yuuri without any proper reason. Just a light touch like swiping his hair away from his face or an encouraging squeeze before a skating competition, things like that. But then again, something told him he _shouldn’t do_ that. He should keep his hands to himself and he knew it. But Yuuri made it so hard, especially in moments he was feeling extremely happy or sad. Victor definitely had a weak point for Yuuri’s smile, and especially the way his eyes sparkled whenever he got excited about something. But Yuuri’s tears made him even weaker, because after every time Yuuri cried he wanted to stop it more and more. He wanted to be the one to make Yuuri smile again. But then again something told him not to do it. Something made him wait for Yuuri’s sister or Yuuko or Minako to come and help Yuuri, or if anybody wasn’t coming just to leave him completely alone. It became harder every time to stay away. He found himself watching Yuuri’s family and friends with jealous eyes more often than not. They could be with Yuuri in any way they wanted, but he could not? Victor felt like the world was being totally unfair to him.

 

*

 

They shoved Yuuri against a tree in a park after school. One of them had bushy eyebrows, the second looked like a total ladiesman and the third was a bit fat. They really were a weird trio, but Victor didn’t really have time to think about that, when a feeling of rage really made him strangle those kids to death. What had Yuuri ever done to them? It wasn’t his fault their self-confidences seemed to be so bad they had to go and hurt others. Yuuri was worth more than any of them. He couldn’t just watch this happening. One of the boys took Yuuri’s glasses from him, and Yuuri couldn’t even bring himself to say anything. _He’s probably scared out of his mind_ , Victor thought absently while grabbing the said boys collar. _It’s funny, because if he would just trust himself a bit more he could totally beat these guys. He trains every day after all._

It was easy for Victor to drive the boys away. People just tend to get scared when an invisible fist hits them. Yuuri kneeled down to pick his glasses from the ground.

“Thank god, they’re not broken..”he said quietly.

_Thank god you’re not broken,_ Victor thought before letting himself to caress Yuuri’s cheek softly again. He was allowed to do this much, right?

 

*

 

“I can’t believe it’s already been three years since Victor’s death,” a twenty-year-old Yuri sighed to Yuuko while they were watching old recordings of junior grand prix finals. Victor smiled confidently on the screen, holding his golden medal for the camera to see while the lights in the hall made his black costume sparkle. The crowd was yelling and clapping furiously when the Russian national anthem started to play. “I miss his skating.”

“Victor really was amazing,”Yuuko nodded, looking down and drawing slow circles on the floor. ”He got better in every competition. Who knows in what level he could be know? I don’t think he would have stopped improving. He was like that. Every competition he went to he was ready to break a new record.”

“It’s really unfair that somebody who had so much to give is gone,”Yuuri mumbled, eyeing all the posters that were still on his walls. Victor with his poodle, Victor after his first ever competition, Victor after he won the Olympics… He wasn’t going to take them off. It was Victor who had helped him to find his love for skating, and that was something Yuuri wasn’t going to let himself forget. He would always look up to him.

“Yeah, but it’s not something we can change,”Yuuko noted quietly, knowing that no matter how much time would pass, talking about Victor’s death would hurt them both. He had only been an idol neither one of them had never gotten to meet, but he had given them more than many of their closest friends. It really felt like a close family member had died. “I wonder what they did to Makkachin..”

“I heard they gave him to Yuri Plisetsky. I think Victor helped him a lot, so he had to spend a lot of time with his dog too. I guess he just grew attached to him even though he had said tons of times that he’s a cat person,”Yuuri smiled sadly.

“Yuri Plisetsky? Well, I think it’s a pretty good match. Makkachin is a dog for the world top skaters it seems.”

“Yeah. Despite being so young he’s so amazing. I mean he grows so fast...He’s a lot like Victor, don’t you think? Even though he isn’t nearly as nice to his fans.”

 

*

 

Victor lay on Yuuri’s bed watching the two chat, smiling lightly despite the nostalgia making him a bit sad. He wasn’t unhappy about being dead. These three years following Yuuri had made him feel like he was living, and maybe just a bit more than ever. Yuuri had become his center of everything, and despite spending all of his time protecting one boy might sound boring, it really wasn’t. Yuuri made it able for him to feel things again – being sad when Yuuri’s competitions didn’t go well, being angry when Yuuri’s schoolmates weren’ t nice towards him, being happy when Yuuri nailed a jump and feeling attachment while watching Yuuri falling asleep, yawning lightly and burying himself under his blankets, giving Victor this weird urge to just kiss his forehead and tell him goodnight.

It was weird, to hear Yuuri talk about him in such an adoring way. His brown eyes sparkled and his voice had this soft tone to it. Victor had never thought there would be a boy in Japan who admired him this much.

 

The mention of Yuri Plisetsky owning Makkachin made him miss his dog, of course, but also smile smugly. He had known Yuri secretly loved Makkachin despite always complaining about how bad he smelled and how cats didn’t smell and were a lot cuter.

 

*

 

“You’re really leaving for America?”Yuuri’s mom asked for the last time, watching his son packing his packs. It made Victor smile when Yuuri slipped a few posters of him under the pile of clothes without her seeing. It made him feel warm that he was still remembered, and even warmer when the one who remembered him was Yuuri. So warm that a red color slowly climbed on his cheeks and made him lose his normal balance of mind for a while. Victor was becoming helpless, but he hadn’t really taken a moment to think about that yet.

“Yeah mom, I am. I got scouted. I want to skate so I’ll take the opportunity when I get it,”Yuuri said, smiling sadly because he knew his mom would miss him and he knew he would miss everything in Hasetsu too.

“You don’t even have anybody to go with..Make sure you make a lot of friends so that you don’t have to be lonely.”

_I’m going with him_ , Victor wanted to say, but as always, he kept silent.

 

*

 

“I knew they would hate me..” Yuuri mumbled after his first day in Detroit skating ring, in his small rented apartment filled with boxes he hadn’t emptied yet. Victor sighed. He knew very well the other skaters hadn’t hated Yuuri, it was just that him being timely and flinching whenever anybody approached him had made others think he didn’t want company. A Thai guy called Pitchit had even told him goodbye when he left, but Yuri had been so focused about thinking how much others didn’t like him that he mustn’t have heard it. Yuuri was simply paranoid sometimes. He was training under a professional coach in America and he was really good at what he was doing, but he simply couldn’t believe it himself, which made Victor really frustrated.

_They don’t hate you. Nobody hates you!_ Victor wanted to say, but he knew Yuuri couldn’t hear him.

“I wish I could be like Victor. Loved by everybody, confident and beautiful. Victor, how can I be like you?”Yuuri whimpered, hugging his knees and trying to stop the tears from coming.

_You are beautiful. Everybody will love you when you come to realize that._

“Victor…” Yuuri whispered in a weak voice, and it really made Victor’s heart break. And the thing was he knew his only mission on this earth was to keep Yuri safe. He was Yuri’s guardian angel even though nobody had ever said it to him aloud. He knew he had rules he should go with. Don’t touch him unless he’s in danger. Don’t try to communicate with him. But Victor didn’t know what the heavens were expecting him to do, throwing him down on this earth to find this boy, to follow his daily life and watch him as he happily ate his katsudons, talked with Yuuko about the weirdest things, carefully studied in the middle of the night because he was determined to get good grades to continue skating and gracefully danced on ice in the most beautiful ways. Were they really expecting him to stay out of this? To let Yuuri cry and be lonely in this country he couldn’t call home? Were they really expecting Victor to not feel anything? Victor was getting enough of that. This was too much. There wasn’t Yuuko, Minako or Mari coming to tell Yuuri it was okay and he was loved. They were in America, and at the moment there wasn’t anybody else than Victor who could do anything about this.

“ _I’m here_ ,” Victor whispered, even though he knew there would be no reaction. ” _I’m here and I care._ ”

Yuuri’s sobs kept getting louder. Victor wasn’t that heartless.

He knew he was committing some kind of crime, breaking some kind of unsaid rule, going just a little bit too far, but he didn’t really care anymore. Victor Nikiforov had always been a risk-taker, so why should he stop now? Wasn’t this just like every dangerous jump he had ever done, every argument he had started with his coach, every performance that broke some kind of borders? Victor just wanted Yuuri to feel safe. He had spent enough time with the Japanese man to know that if he let him cry now, the same grief would bother him tomorrow and the day after that. It wasn’t easy for Yuuri to let go of his insecurities. They would follow him like hungry beasts from day to day.

Victor sat down beside Yuuri in that badly lit cramped corner and slowly reached to touch Yuuri’s soft brown hair. After making sure he didn’t cause any kind of shock he swiped away the tears from Yuuri’s cheeks and pulled him to his chest while combing his locks lightly with his fingers and mumbling “ _It’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay._ ”

Yuuri couldn’t hear him, but he could feel another body against his own. In that moment, it didn’t really matter whether it made sense or not. It didn’t matter that if Yuuri wasn’t feeling so confused and insecure he totally would have thought that he was going crazy, because it certainly wasn’t normal to feel so realistic hands holding him and a warm breath tickling his ears. It didn’t matter All that mattered was that it made Yuuri feel safe and warm, so he just leaned closer to the invisible touch and whispered “Victor..Thank you.”

Victor smiled and pressed his nose against Yuuri’s hair. It smelled like the cheapest shampoo in the market, but Victor didn’t really care. It was nice to know that even though Yuuri had no clues of figuring out he was who he was, he still somehow knew it was Victor, and didn’t want to imagine it to be anybody else. And at that specific moment Victor Nikiforov wished he could be alive again for the first time in years, just to be with Yuuri in a way he really knew he wanted to be.

 

*


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the second chapter is here. Thank you so much for all the feedback on the first one! :) I'm sorry about the typos and other mistakes I might have made in this one too (I still don't have a beta o.o), I hope you'll like it. :)

Phitchit was a great guy. He was the kind of person everybody liked - good at coming up with crazy things to do when everyone was bored, really easy to approach by anyone that was lonely and the best kind of supporter friend anybody could get. He was the kind of person who would always smile when somebody looked them in the eye and look as happy and innocent as possible. He even owned tons of hamsters, which told Victor pretty much everything he needed to know about this man's personality. He bet Phitchit visited animal shelters to keep company for the lonely animals from time to time and did tons of volunteer work because he was exactly the kind of person to do things like that.

He was an amazing skater too. Less gifted than Yuuri, Victor thought, but he had enthusiasm to make up for it, and he was great at handling the audience. It was good for Yuuri too, to train with him. Finally, he had somebody who could tell him what Victor had been wanting to say for a long, long time " _Everybody's going to love you when you start loving yourself._ " Still, it all made Victor feel a bit uneasy. The same feeling he had felt towards Yuuko, Mari, Minako and even Yuuri's family had returned, and now targeted towards Phitchit. It wasn't only Victor and Yuuri anymore, and Victor had a hard time deciding whether he liked this change or not.

Yuuri was untying his skates on a bench chatting with Phitchit happily. The Thai skater had gotten used to Yuuri's personality so fast it seemed almost impossible. He was pretty much able to read every mood Yuuri had on his face and could notice even slightest marks of discomfort. And Victor totally approved that, except for the fact deep inside he really didn't. He was a sportsman after all, ambitious and going for victory. Sharing Yuuri again felt like losing in a way Victor couldn't really explain. So he didn't. With his hands crossed over his chest he kept watching as Yuuri gave a shy smile for Phitchit. He clenched his fist without really noticing he was doing so while acknowledging the fact Yuuri wouldn't smile at him the same way. Not now, if ever. People didn’t smile at persons they couldn’t see.

He closed his eyes to remember Yuuri's longing face while the Japanese man had put up his posters on the gray walls of his new home, the careful way his hands had handled the paper and the careful look he gave to the wall after his job to make sure everything was in a good order. At least Yuuri still seemed to love the image of him. It was something, even though being only an idol made Victor feel like the distance between him and Yuuri was ridiculously long. And maybe it really was - he was dead and Yuuri was alive, and that's probably something you would call a huge gap.

"Do you want to go to a cafe? I'll show you around even though I haven't been here that long myself either,”Phitchit asked, shoving his skates to his light green sports bag.

Yuuri thought about it a bit before nodding. “Nowhere expensive though. My budget isn’t very big,”he laughed awkwardly, scratching his neck.

“I’m not rich either so you’ll be fine, let’s go,”Phitchit announced cheerily, grabbing Yuuri’s wrist.

Victor sighed and looked away. He knew he was being childish. Yuuri wasn’t something he could claim to be his. To Yuuri he was just a ghost, and actually not even that since he could not be seen in any shape or form. He was just a memory. And memories tended to fade away.

Yuuri’s hand looked inviting. How long had it been since Victor last held somebody’s hand properly? He couldn’t really remember. Victor had been so focused on the ice while living he didn’t think about holding hands that much. He wondered why such a thing had to bother him now. It’s not like Phitchit was holding hands with Yuuri either. It was just a wrist, god dammit. He was being totally paranoid with no real reason.

“Did you see Yuri Plisetsky’s latest Instagram photo?”Phitchit chatted happily as he and Yuuri made their way to the streets of Detroit. The weather was rather nice, the kind of where you can smell spring coming in the air even though it’s still clearly winter. Yuuri buried his face deeper in his black and blue scarf to keep his face from being completely red from the wind blowing.

“No..”Yuuri muttered. Victor huffed slightly. He bet the picture had been updated only seconds ago and only Pitchit and Yuri’s biggest fangirls had seen it. From the short time Yuuri had spent with the Thai skater he could tell Phitchit was a total social media addict who checked his phone every other second. Victor wouldn’t have been surprised if Pitchit decided to do his next skating routine to the beat of some modern hit song about selfies.

“It’s totally cute. Somebody must have stolen his phone. I don’t think it’s something he’d like to show the world about himself, since he likes pretending he doesn’t like anything even though basically everybody in the figure skating community can see through him,”Phitchit laughed, handing his phone over to Yuuri so he could see.

Victor took a quick look at the picture and grinned. Makkachin was drooling on Yuri’s expensive tiger-print shirt, but Yuri didn’t seem to care. His hands were resting in the dog’s fur while his eyes were shut and mouth open. Victor could almost hear his quiet snoring in his ears. He used to find Yuri sleeping in the dressing room of St. Petersburg skating rink more often than not. After Victor told him to go home and sleep he’d always say he had to stay to wake up early and start training again. After a short discussion Victor would usually shrug and give up, since he didn’t think Yuri would starve to death or anything- his grandad made sure of that by bringing him tons of food and telling him to eat a lot to grow stronger.

 _Ah, it’s Mila again_ , he thought as he saw the text under the picture.

_“I love Victor’s dog so much and cats suck!!! <3”_

Victor sighed. As much as it hurt to admit, Makkachin was Yuri’s now, not his.

“Oh, Makkachin,”Yuuri smiled.”Such a good boy.”

“Yep, definitely. Victor taught him well. I bet he let him sleep in his bed every night and bought him gourmet dogfood.”

 _I did_ , Victor admitted. _And I don’t regret it_.

 

*

 

A few weeks later Phitchit succeeded in persuading Yuuri to go to a party he was having. Victor wasn’t completely sure how he should have felt about it, because despite already having followed Yuuri around such a long time, he hadn’t seen Yuuri properly drunk not even once. He kind of felt like it was his responsibility to ruin the fun and prevent Yuuri from having alcohol, because it clearly is bad for your health, but obviously he wasn’t really going to do that. Much so because of the fact he was interested in how a drunk Yuuri would behave.

He was sitting on Yuuri’s kind of ugly but weirdly comfortable beige sofa that he’d found from a second-hand store down the street. The decoration of Yuuri’s apartment was in a pretty terrible shape anyways so one ugly sofa wasn’t going to ruin anything.

Yuuri was clearly panicking, which Victor found kind of cute since it was over such a simple thing as which clothes to wear. To be completely honest he felt a bit like some kind of weird stalker too, since here he was, his blue eyes watching every move Yuuri made in his boxers in front of a mirror holding a pair of jeans in both hands trying to decide which ones to put on while Victor was basically mentally screaming _how about you just put on the tighter pair, ok?_

Victor knew it wasn’t okay. He had been fine with it until now but ever since coming to America, watching Yuuri dress wasn’t just like _oh, that’s a Japanese guy putting on his clothes, no problem_ anymore but more of like _I should probably look away, I feel kind of flustered, damn he has a nice body, woah he can’t even see me what am I thinking?_ Victor had never been a shy guy by any means, but when you’re on an entirely different _dimension,_ you should probably keep your distance to them rather than developing an obvious crush and wishing it to turn into something real. Yuuri pulled on a black button up and jeans, the tighter ones, and Victor kind of felt like banging his head to the wall. He hadn’t been prepared for this, having spent all his life in the spotlight, the one that everybody wanted, not the one who wanted somebody. The poster of him in the wall seemed to be mocking him. Where was that confident smile when he needed it?

 

*

 

The music was loud, fast and adrenaline-pumping. It was a track nobody would skate to, since it definitely wasn’t suitable for something as elegant as the art of figure skating. It was a song that made you dance even though you were crap at it, a song that would kind of hurt your eardrums but you wouldn’t care because the feeling it gives you takes the pain away. It was totally crazy, and not in the least bit artistic. It was an absolute best choice for drunk dancing, Victor had to hand the DJ that. The lights were flashing and the space felt really small with so many people, especially for Victor who had to avoid touching anybody to prevent them from freaking out. The air smelled like sweat and alcohol, and people’s faces were red and smiling. Everybody was shouting to be heard. It was a place where Victor could’ve never seen a sober Yuuri enjoy himself. The drunk one, however, was a completely different deal.

Yuuri had danced with six different people already. And yes, Victor _was_ keeping count. He was watching every time somebody held Yuuri’s waist or touched his neck or even just spoke to him. The feeling of jealousy was so strong he could name it himself too. He was jealous because of his Yuuri, the man _he_ protected, the man _he_ watched washing teeth with a horrible bedhead every morning at 6AM, the man _he_ knew would be at the top of the figure skating world someday, the man who had posters of _him_ on his walls, was dancing with somebody neither Victor or Yuuri never met before and laughing like he was having the time of his life. It felt like some kind of torture mechanism. Was this a punishment for all the success he had achieved while being alive?

When Yuuri finally let go of the guy he’d been dancing with and started making his way towards the kitchen, Victor couldn’t help but sigh from relief. Phitchit was sitting on the kitchen table talking with a group of other Thai people in his mother tongue before he spotted Yuuri taking swaying steps to his direction.

“Hey Yuuri, are you having fun?”he asked, sounding totally sober, which made Victor quite amazed judging by the amount of empty cans next to Phitchit on the table.

“ _So_ much fun!”Yuuri shouted way too loudly, and laughed.

Victor shook his head slowly, pondering whether or not he’d need to prevent Yuuri from falling on the way home. He was quite sure the answer would be yes.

“There are so many pretty lights here! And people…Nice people! There’s only one thing nicer and prettier!”

Phitchit gave a laugh. “And what might that be?” “Victor!”Yuuri stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, while swaying lightly from side to side. ”Victor’s really pretty. His eyes look like ice he skates on. Victor skating is really pretty! Really really pretty! Victor’s like a flower. So beautiful! And so nice! He smiles when he takes pictures with people! He’s soo nice!”

Victor’s eyes widened, and he could hear his own heartbeat and the slight blush on his face. He was sure Yuri wasn’t the first person to call him pretty, hell, sport magazines used to call him beautiful and handsome every other and publish polls where he had been voted as a bachelor of the year more than once, so he was quite confident he had been lucky with his good looks. He had enjoyed the praise, of course, but he'd never really felt flustered about it or like he needed it to continue skating. For what he cared he might as well have looked like a potato as long as it didn't affect his sports career or Makkachins health. But now he felt a bit like something big and meaningful had been dropped in front of his face and he should have known what to do with it but he just didn't.

"He has a really nice voice too! I'd totally listen to it all day and night.. _Victoor!_ Where’s Victor?”Yuuri questioned, and Victor kind of sympathized with Phitchit, because listening to somebody talking about a dead person and asking where they were must’ve been kind of awkward.

Pitchit sighed and stood up to tap Yuuri’s shoulder lightly. “You know what,”he said, still sounding happy even though there was an underlying worried tone in his voice,”I think you should not drink anymore. And maybe it would be better for you to go to my room for a while, because even though you probably can’t see it yourself you’re going to fall at any second…Or alternatively throw up on my expensive kitchen carpet so I’d rather have you do that in the bedroom. It’s right at the end of the hall. Do you need help getting there?”

Yuuri slapped Phitchit’s hand away clumsily and the Thai man looked like he didn’t really know whether he should have laughed or cried. “I need Victors help!”Yuuri whined, and Phitchit snorted.

“Of course you do. How about you imagine Victor helping you and go rest for a bit now then?”he suggested lightly, snapping a quick picture of Yuuri to show it to him tomorrow. Victor could already imagine how Yuuri would blush so hard and start waving his arms around trying to come up with a good excuse for looking like that.

Yuuri ended up nodding at Phitchit’s suggestion, and turned around to start his journey to the bedroom.

“Let’s go, Victor,”he slurred, and Victor laughed. It was really comical, but on the other hand Victor felt kind of happy about that for a moment he could pretend to be alive again.

 _“Sure, let’s go,”_ he muttered, walking close to Yuuri to make sure he didn’t fall or bump with other people.

Surprisingly Yuuri survived to Phitchit’s room without embarrassing himself any further, and he would even close the door behind him. He crashed on Phitchit’s small bed and lay on his back staring at the ceiling.

“You know, Victor, I think that I wanna go skate,”he muttered, which caused Victor to shake his head. No matter how good of a skater Yuuri was he was not going to hit the ice in a state like this or he would probably kill himself even if Victor tried his best to keep him alive.

_“No, you don’t.”_

“Or actually…I’d rather see you skate. But you’re not here anymore are you?”Yuuri sighed, with his face completely blank.”I miss your skating.”

“ _I’m here. I would skate for you if I could._ ”

Victor’s look changed from curious to confused when Yuuri rose to a sitting position and hid his face behind his hand. “It’s so lonely, in this country. Phitchit is here, and I like Phitchit, but it’s not home. But Victor’s helped me through many things and at times like this a tend to think how you’ve helped me. And then I just, kind of realize you’re not here anymore. I start to think about the morning I woke up, unlocked the screen of my phone and found it right there. The bold letters telling me Victor Nikiforov was dead. And I still want to pretend that you’ve only faked your death and will come back..”Yuuri narrated. It was hard for Victor to make out some of the words since Yuuri’s drunk tongue didn’t clearly feel like working. He could hear a quiet sniffling and oh god if he only had been visible he could have done something.

“…And now, here I am, talking to the walls imagining it’s you. I’m so pathetic. I never even met you and yet I’m this obsessed. It’s kind of disgusting, isn’t it?”

“ _No it’s not. Just calm down, please_.”

“I’m sorry for not letting you go when I should have.”

_“You don’t have to let go. Just hold on. Please don’t forget.”_

“You know, I really want to visit Russia one day. I want to try out the ice rinks there, and the food. I want to go see all the sights. It would be so exciting.”

 _“I’d want to be your guide_ ,”Victor smiled. “ _I hope you’ll really get to go there one day._ ”

Yuuri was silent for a moment, trying to swipe away the clues of tears from his face. “I wonder whether I’m a bad person,”he blurted out randomly. ”For missing you this much. In the end you should have been just a face on TV for me.”

Victor let out a deep breath. He didn’t want to be that distant. He wanted to be a friend, not an idol. Because at the moment, he was right there, right in front of Yuuri’s face, not hundreds of kilometers away in front of television cameras and flashing lights. The clock on Phitchit’s wall kept ticking in silence. Yuuri looked down on his feet, and for a while everything looked like it might be fine. But after giving it a better look Victor could see Yuuri’s lips quivering. Victor was not going to listen to the self-doubt making Yuuri feel uncomfortable anymore without doing anything. Just before Yuuri had time to open his mouth to start talking again, Victor took his hand in his own. He didn’t swipe it, he didn’t stroke it, he didn’t touch it, he held it. The Japanese man’s whole body froze in place. His eyes widened and mouth opened slightly when he kept staring at nothingness he could see in front of him. Yuuri could feel the touch. He could feel long fingers sliding between his own, he could feel somebody’s palm pressing against his own. It was warm. _Living people were warm_.

Yuuri took a shaky breath and whispered _“..Victor?”_


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri’s eyes were brown. The kind of brown you could see in a scenery in autumn, hidden behind all the colorful leaves, with the shades of dark chocolate and warm hazel. They were surprised and hopeful, with a lot of unsureness mixed it. And Victor kept staring, kept waiting for the moment he could see his own reflection in them. It didn’t happen however, no matter how long Yuuri’s eyes kept searching for his figure. It didn’t happen, no matter how many times Yuuri closed his eyes and opened them, with the same eagerness in them every single time. And every time Victor had to watch the eagerness changing to disappointment. And Yuuri wasn’t the only one whose face fell every time Victor failed to be seen.

“Victor, are you there?”Yuuri asked slowly, staring at his hand Victor was still holding, afraid to move. The situation seemed so vulnerable, like a piece of glass that could shatter from the smallest sudden move. Of course I am, Victor wanted to say. He wanted to say it as many times as it was needed, but he knew that if he tried every time would be a waste.

“Of course you’re not..”Yuuri muttered, shaking his head so that a few strands of hair fell onto his face.”I must be so drunk..I’m even imagining I can feel you. I think I’m going crazy.”

“ _You’re not_ ,”Victor whispered, frustrated. He leaned closer to Yuuri, carefully laying his other hand on Yuuri’s back, watching the reactions he got every single second. Carefully he took a step closer to the Japanese man and pulled his upper body against his chest. It was a really awkward position. Victor was standing while Yuuri was sitting, and it was totally uncomfortable. Victor didn’t care though. This wasn’t about being romantic or pleasant. This was about making Yuuri believe he really was there.

“ _You’re not_ ,”he repeated firmly.” _Would your body go to this kind of position just because you’d be making me up in your mind? Hey, tell me. Can you feel my heartbeat?_ ”

Yuuri’s breathing was quick, and he was shaking slightly. Victor was scared he would get some kind of a panic attack, so he slowly lifted his hand from Yuuri’s back, placing it into his hair, stroking lightly.

“ _Calm down. You’re not crazy._ ” Victor squeezed Yuuri’s hand lightly while he kept muttering his words. Even though Yuuri couldn’t hear his voice, he would feel his breath, he could feel the air flowing when he spoke close to his ear, pressing him tighter against himself. _“I’m right here. Have been for a long time._ ”

“Oh my god,”Yuuri whispered slowly, his voice shaking.”I am _so_ drunk.”

Victor groaned, wondering how far he would have to go. What was something Yuuri’s mind would never be able to make up? His lips touched the shell of Yuuri’s ear while he muttered _“Would you just let yourself believe I’m here? What do I have to do?”_

Yuuri’s face was all red and his heart was beating so loudly Victor could almost hear it. He calmly lifted Yuuri’s hand on his heart, sighing “ _It’s beating just as loudly. Just believe in me, okay? I want you to believe me.”_ He started to run Yuuri’s hand up on his body, from the heart to the neck and from there to cheek until Yuuri’s fingers were running through his hair.

“You’ve cut it,”Yuuri blurted, causing Victor to feel confusion and joy at the same time. “Your hair.”

_“Yeah I did. I needed a change.”_

“I bet it’s still pretty,”Yuuri breathed, closing his eyes. He was silent for a few seconds until his brains finally worked out what was happening, seemed to figure out that he was in this small room with purple walls, ticking clock and a bed with a creamy while covers with his _idol_ , who just so happened to be dead but who for some reason felt really alive at the moment, just invisible. It took Yuuri another three seconds to figure out how he was supposed to act when he was in the same room with somebody he’d looked up since he was six years old, in a hug-like position with no one else around. He jumped backwards, his expression changing from shy to shocked, his hands waving around and his gaze looking for a corner to escape to. He didn’t feel like he belonged in the same space with someone like Victor. He was in a completely different level. An angel in human form. What was he even doing here? Was heaven not good enough for him? _I’m totally dreaming, aren’t I?_ Yuuri thought hastily, grapping Phitchit’s counterpane and hiding under it as if Victor touching him would be deadly poisonous.

“Vi-Victor Nikiforov?”Yuuri stuttered, afraid to raise his gaze from his knees even though he didn’t even know where Victor was anymore.

Victor sighed and shook his head, feeling kind of cold after Yuuri ran away from him like that. It wasn’t like he was some kind of a king who wouldn’t be able to interact with other people. But apparently to Yuuri, he was.

_Do I have to spell it out for you?_

And then, it just kind of clicked. Victor spotted a pile of unused colorful memory notes on Phitchit’s night table, and a little smile started forming on his lips.

_I really do have to spell it out for you, don’t I?_

He took two fast steps to get the notes, and for a few seconds his thoughts switched to _where the hell does this guy keep his pen_ from _oh my god I’m finally going to talk to Yuuri_. He started going through Phitchit’s lockers even though it was kind of an offence to the man’s privacy but he _really needed that pen_. He could feel Yuuri’s shocked eyes burning into his back as Yuuri could hear the lockers banging and see them moving. It probably looked like a scene from a horror movie which had a haunted house in it. Victor didn’t have time to think about that, god damn he just needed a freaking pen. And just then, after he closed the last locker of Phitchit’s nightstand in the failed attempt to find something to write with, the said man decided to burst in the room, holding a glass of water.

Of course Phitchit’s eyes focused on Yuuri first, and he frowned a bit seeing Yuuri was sitting in the corner of his bed as if he was hiding from something. “I decided to be an angel and force you to drink water. Nobody likes a bad hangover..”he informed, handing Yuuri the glass. “Are you cold since you’re hiding under my blanket like that? You can turn the heating up if you feel like you need to. It’s kinda hot here though, with so many people, so I don’t really get you.”

Yuuri was silent for a while, just staring at the transparent liquid in the glass he was holding as if it was the only thing that mattered in the world. Victor quietly put the sticky notes he was holding in his left hand back to the table so that Phitchit couldn’t accidentally see them floating.

“Yuuri?”Phitchit questioned, worried.”Are you feeling sick?”

Yuuri shook his head lightly and took a sip from his glass staring at the emptiness before him.”I’m fine. Thanks for the water.”

“You look like you’re bit out of it. Maybe you should head home and take it easy, maybe sleep for a bit. I know it’s kinda impossible to relax here with the music banging and stuff. I’ll call a cab for you.”

“I can walk home,”Yuuri said stubbornly. If Victor’s job wasn’t to protect Yuuri he would have agreed on the cab, since he knew the amount of alcohol in Yuuri’s blood at that moment, but now he didn’t really care whether Phitchit would let Yuuri walk or not. He would take care of his protégé no matter what.”It’s not far anyway.”

 

*

 

Phitchit ended up letting Yuuri walk, but only because of that somebody had stopped their debate by informing that someone had actually succeeded in vomiting on his expensive kitchen carpet. It was a kind of tragicomic situation, because even though Phitchit was really chill, now he ended up starting a dramatic monologue in memory of this beautiful piece of home decoration. It made Victor laugh and Yuuri smile as they both exited the room they had been staying in, leaving the sticky notes unused and Yuuri’s mind dizzy and confused.

It was dark outside. The streetlights and small advert signs brought light in the streets, but their lightness didn’t succeed in hitting every corner and alleyway of the city. Some cars and loud talking could be heard as Yuuri made his way back to his lonely apartment, with Victor walking on his side, not touching and keeping two metres distance. He was going to solve this situation, he was going to make Yuuri believe in him, but a cold street with a smell of cars and street food in the air that stood just didn’t feel like a good place for trying to get his point through. Yuuri was swaying a little, and Victor took fast steps to his side to keep him from falling only to get left behind again when Yuuri regained his balance. Two cars drove past them. It was a quick flash on lights, and then they were gone. Victor closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about how easy it was to steal a person’s life with a vehicle like that. At least the street wasn’t as slippery as the one in Russia had been. He bit his lip. _Yuuri_ , he reminded himself, _I need to think about Yuuri, not about old memories._

 

*

 

Yuuri’s hands were clumsy as he searched for the keys to get in his apartment. When he dropped the keys in the dirty floor of the badly lit stairway Victor almost picked them up but stopped himself before his fingers could touch the glimmering metal. He was going to tell Yuuri, just not now. Not in this stairway with dirty white walls that felt like they were going to fall on them. Yuuri’s house was, unsurprisingly, exactly the same as when they had left. His running shoes were laying on the floor, his sports jacket was hanging in his closet and all the medals he had won could be seen in the background, as well as posters of Victor surrounding them. Yuuri kicked off his shoes, not bothering to place them in line neatly fit other pair he owned. He walked to his small kitchen, opened his small fridge and took out a can of orange juice.

Victor stood in the doorway, rubbing his neck thoughtfully. He knew where Yuuri kept his pens and papers. Why did it feel so hard just now then? He had been completely fine with this at Phitchit’s, so why couldn’t he just do it now?

_When he learns I live with him, will I ever get to see him like this again?_ He asked from yourself, watching as Yuuri took out his phone and sat on the kitchen table with his other hand on his hair.

_Will he ever be able to live normally or will he be uncomfortable? Will he be able to wake up in his oversized T-shirt and just groan the morning sun and shut the curtains before heading to bathroom with his hair as a complete mess when he learns I’m watching every second of it? Will he be able to take his morning jogs knowing that I’ll cheer for him with every step? Will he be able to skate like before when he knows I’ll be following every move he makes? Will he still let me protect him?_

Somehow, Yuuri ended up answering all his questions without even having to ask.

“Hey…Victor,”he started uncomfortably, quietly, closing his phone screen but not moving his gaze from it.”Or nobody, as far as I know. I could as well be out of my mind and imagine I’m talking with a dead person,”he added with a weak laugh, his voice filling the empty room. “But if it’s really Victor there, I’m sorry I’m like this. It’s just that meeting you is the one thing I’ve always wished I could do. I’m probably saying this because I’m still drunk, but I just want you to know this, if you really are here. I started skating when I was really young, and enjoyed it since the first time. I had never felt like I was in any way talented, but suddenly skating made me feel like I was above average in something. I started following everything related to the sport and wanted to practice every week. And then I came across you, and since that moment I haven’t been able to let go. I wanted to get better so I could compete with you or even get a glimpse of you. In a way it made me kind of ashamed. It still does.. But the thing is, even though I’m pathetic in many ways, am I still allowed to consider it as a possibility that you really were there that time I was crying when I first came to America, that you’re still here?”

Victor swallowed. He kind of felt like crying. He was right here where Yuuri wanted him.

“I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like big crowds, but I don’t like being completely alone either..I’d really want you to be here,”Yuuri ended, looking around him as if he was waiting for Victor to turn visible at any moment. And if Victor could have done that, he would. But now, without any other possibilities, he went to stand behind the chair Yuuri was sitting on and pulled him in a hug from behind, hiding his face into Yuuri’s neck.

_I’m here and I won’t leave._

Yuuri didn’t say anything, he just lifted his hand on Victor’s invisible one. Victor could feel Yuuri’s tears falling down his neck. “I’m so happy,”he whispered finally.”It’s crazy, and I kind of feel like hiding or running away but on the other hand I really want to stay here…It’s totally weird isn’t it?”

_"It’s okay_ ," Victor mumbled, and he was sure Yuuri could feel his lips moving. Yuuri laughed lightly, and a little awkwardly. “It’s so weird when I know you’re talking but I have no idea what you’re saying.”

Victor nudged Yuuri’s phone gently, wordlessly telling Yuuri to open it for him. After a while of confusion Victor finally had something to write on.

**Hi ^^** , he typed quickly, smiling as he heard Yuuri gasp a little.

“Hello…?”Yuuri anwered unsurely.

**You’re so cute when you’re confused. :)**

Yuuri blushed and hid his face behind his hands.

**No need to be shy. Don’t hide your face. I’ve been following you for quite a while now and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.**

“For a while?” Yuuri whispered, his eyes wide open.”..How long?”

**A couple of years.**

“A couple of years?!”Yuuri whimpered, the red shade on his cheeks going even deeper.”Why?”

**I don’t know. After I died I just woke up in Japan next to you. You could say I’m your guardian angel of kind? By the way it was a really stupid choice to attempt that jump when you were seventeen, you could’ve hurt yourself pretty badly you know..**

“You were there?!”the Japanese asked, shocked .”Oh my god, you saw that…Oh my god Victor Nikiforov saw that..”

**I don’t care about seeing that, or rather I’m glad I was fast enough to save you. You’re lucky you got a figure skater as a guardian angel, an average person probably couldn’t have told that you were going to fail early enough.**

“You..You were the one that prevented me from falling,”Yuuri muttered, touching his his cheek where Victor’s hand had gently caressed him when he had been seventeen. “It was really you..”

**Are you not going to thank me? ._.**

“Sorry! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!”

**There’s no need to be so flustered. I’m only a person.**

“But…You’re Victor Nikiforov,”Yuuri stuttered, and Victor sighed.

**Yes, but that doesn’t change anything.**

“It does!”Yuuri said defensively before slapping his palm on his lips. _I’m not going to argue with Viktor Nikiforov, am I?_

**Well if I don’t count as a person, I guess I’ll have to be an alien then.**

“No! Not an alien…Rather, an angel or something?”Yuuri suggested before realizing how true his words were.

**Well, I guess that works now, so your win, katsudon.**

“I haven’t eaten katsudon for months!”

**It shows. You’re really fit. I bet you miss it though. You used to look so happy eating it.**

“You watched me eating katsudon?”

**Yeah. I watched you do pretty much everything. Sorry about not revealing myself earlier.**

Yuuri’s eyes collided with his posters on the walls at the same time as he quietly murmured.”Everything?”

**Oh, the posters. I’m flattered, Yuuri.**

“And I said such embarrassing things when I was drunk too..” Yuuri groaned. This was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to him, but it felt so embarrassing he could barely stand it.

 

*

 

The next morning when Yuuri woke up there was a yellow note with Victor’s handwriting in it waiting for him. He blinked a few times as he took it in his hands and squinted to make out the text without his glasses. Victor smiled as he watched Yuuri read it and slowly whisper “Oh my god, I’m actually not dreaming, am I?”

 

“ **Good morning, katsudon! <3**”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this sounds like it was made in a hurry and kind of messy, because I've actually been pretty busy ._. I might rewrite this if I find it completely horrible tomorrow, but for now it seems fine :D I hope you'll like it at least a little. ^^

Training wasn’t as awkward as Yuuri thought it would be. He’d still put his running shoes on just like before, tie his laces and pull his zipper up as he’d start his jog to the nearest skating rink in the morning. Car horns would honk, morning sun would make everything look a bit brighter and his cheeks would be tinted slightly red as he’d continue his way through the streets. He would think about what his coach would make him to do today, think about whether he’d be ready to take part in some of the big competitions coming up in the future and what he’d be having for lunch and whether Phitchit would be willing to have it with him. And he totally did not think about Victor watching him all the time. _Totally not._

They would talk every time Yuuri was alone. Their interactions would mostly be started by Victor for two reasons, one being that somewhere at the back of his mind Yuuri thought he really didn’t have a right to talk with someone like Victor and the other being that Yuuri felt awkward starting to talk with someone he couldn’t see, since he never knew where to look and how loud to speak unless Victor was somehow touching him. Which he did. A lot. Every time Victor would touch his hair, cheek, face, hips - just casually, lightly, without any proper meaning, Yuuri could feel himself shaking lightly, his thoughts losing their track for a while. It felt so out of place, so impossible, so magical that Victor Nikiforov could be here with him, treating him so casually and just stealing his phone from his pocket whenever he had something to say. He didn’t lock his screen anymore, so Victor was free to say whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted as long as there weren’t people around to see the floating phone.

The skating felt a bit different though. He’d spend his hours on ice under three pairs of eyes watching instead of two, and it really made a difference. He never minded his coach watching, it was his job to watch after all. He didn’t mind when he scolded him about his mistakes, and he was thankful for the constructive feedback and praises he gave him, but it never really made him feel flustered. The second pair of eyes watching was often Phitchit who liked to share they hours spent in the rink with Yuuri. They’d often talk about what went well and what didn’t, and support each other by cheering and coming up with new ideas. It was, of course, Victor’s eyes that made the big difference. Even though Yuuri couldn’t see Victor, it was easy for him to imagine those sharp, deep blue, intelligent eyes following him, watching as he lifted his hands up, stretched his back, hit the ice and spun around. It made Yuuri wonder whether he’d ever get even close to the beauty of Victor’s skating, whether he’d ever be able to tell such amazing stories by only moving his body and sliding across the frozen surface, whether he’d ever be able to charm as many people. He strongly doubted it. Victor had always been a bit more than everybody else. Yuuri’s heart was beating fast, his blood was pumping and his senses were sharp as he continued skating, trying to forget about anybody watching and just focusing on the difficult technical parts he would have to learn to be able to do his best in the next competition coming up. He would have to be good. He’d show Victor what he was capable of, even though it was nothing compared to the graze Victor would be able to achieve. Victor was born to be on ice. Yuuri was just there waiting for the ice to accept him.

He cursed himself for thinking about Victor as he over-rotated one of his jumps, his hand touching the ice to regain his balance. He could feel Victor’s presence there, ready to take a hold of him if he couldn’t do it himself. It felt kind of like cheating. Would Victor be picking him up in competitions too, when the other skaters would just fall without any help? It would be unfair. Yuuri’s lungs were screaming for air, his hair was damp from sweating and his face was red as he finally received a permission to stop from his coach, gladly accepting the water bottle Phitchit was handing him.

”You really have an amazing stamina,”Phitchit smiled.”It’s crazy how good you are at the end of practice. It’s almost inhuman.”

Yuuri shook his head.”It’s not that big of a deal. Everybody loves to watch you skate, they find you far more intriguing than me.”

”Oh Yuuri,”Phitchit sighed.”If you’d just switch your calculating face into a smiling one I bet nobody would take their eyes off you.”

Yuuri opened his mouth to answer but at the same time he could see something moving from the corner of his eye which stopped him from answering. His coat was laying on a bench under the layer of Phitchit’s jacket and mittens and woolly hats, and his phone was moving from its pocket. Yuuri couldn’t help but shoot a scolding look towards Victor. _What are you even thinking, this is a public space you know?_ Victor seemed to notice him and Yuuri’s phone slowly moved back to his pocked. Yuuri sighed from relief and smiled lightly to Victor. _Thanks_.

”What are you smiling at?”Phitchit asked curiously and Yuuri bit the inside of his cheek to punish himself from being the one acting weird now. He wondered whether Phitchit would have a guardian angel too or if Victor was the only one coming back to live like this. Victor had always been exceptional anyways.

”Oh, it’s nothing. Thanks for encouraging me, I appreciate it.”

Phitchit laughed.”So formal.”

”You’re a rival after all,”Yuuri grinned lightly and Phitchit rolled his eyes.

”You can’t exactly deny that,”Yuuri continued, stepping off the ice and starting to untie his skates.

”When did you change from an innocent stuttering man to this sassy creature..”Phitchit muttered under his breath before just shrugging and giving Yuuri the same big smile he always did. ”Well, have a good afternoon, I guess I’ll have to start memorizing my choreography now. See you tomorrow!”

”Yeah, see you,”Yuuri said, pulling his skates off and watching as Phitchit started warming up.

 

*

 

**Phitchit was right** , Victor typed on Yuuri’s phone as Yuuri was putting his just bought groceries to his fridge. **You should totally stop looking so grumpy when you skate.**

Yuuri sighed and closed the fridge door after slipping in a pack of cheese. ”I’ll have to focus in skating. I don’t have time to think about what my face looks like.”

**You should try it though.**

”I don’t know how,”Yuuri muttered, leaving the kitchen with Victor on his heels.

**You should think about something that excites you.**

”Something that excites me..”Yuuri repeated quietly. _You. You excite me. But I think about you while skating anyways and it just leads to me messing up something._ ”I don’t have anything that would make me too excited..”he mumbled, throwing himself on his sofa. He could feel Victor sitting next to him, leaning closer. It was strange, how easy it was to notice Victor nowadays when Yuuri knew he was there.

**…Really? Anything? Nothing makes your heart beat a little bit faster?**

_You._ ”Nothing,”Yuuri confirmed, closing his eyes. ”I’m not able to draw inspiration from things like you do.”

**Yuuri…Have you ever had a girlfriend?** Victor asked out of nowhere and Yuuri turned his gaze to his hands even though he had nothing to be ashamed of.

”No..”

**Ever had a crush on somebody?**

”..No.” _Except maybe one of those stupid celebrity crushes. On you. When I was fifteen. Totally not anymore, ok?_

**Really? Not even a little one?**

”Not even a little one,”Yuuri said, his voice a bit shaky. And of course Victor just had to notice that.

**…I don’t like liars, Yuuri.**

The tips of Yuuri’s ears turned red as he avoided looking at Victor’s direction. ”You don’t?”

**Yes, I don’t.**

”…Then a little one..On Yuuko I guess, ”he muttered, his gaze dancing on the posters on the walls nervously.”When I was younger.”

**I knew you had a thing for her! Think about her, when skating. Think about what she makes you feel and then share the feeling with the world!**

”The thing is…I don’t have feelings for her anymore. She was a teenage crush, and now..I guess I’m just held back by something. I don’t really care about..falling in love or anything like that..”the Japanese skater mumbled, shivering a little as he could feel Victor’s invisible lips close to his ear lobe again.

**That’s a shame. I think the idea of loving somebody is quite exciting.**

”Exciting?”Yuuri questioned, raising his eyebrows.

**Yeah. Being in love and deeply loved by somebody was one of my dreams. I guess it’s a little late for me now, though.**

”Why?”Yuuri asked, before blushing at his own silliness. Of course the fact that he knew about Victor didn’t mean everybody knew about him, and it’s kind of hard to fall in love with somebody you don’t even know is alive. Quickly coming up with something to hide his mistake with Yuuri stuttered out, ”I think there were many people who loved you.”

**Yes. They might have loved me as a role model, an idol, but I never got to feel passionate love that I wanted. It was just me and the ice.**

”You did have a girlfriend at some point..”Yuuri pointed out before realizing that he totally sounded like a stalker now and looked down to avoid Victor’s invisible eyes.

**Girlfriend isn’t an equal to love. It was fun while it lasted though. We both got bored quickly, since I was a horny teenager who didn’t really know anything about feelings and she was a girl who could never understand my love for sports and travelling.**

“It’s sad,”Yuuri muttered,”that she didn’t understand you.”

**It’s in the past though. I’m not sad about it really, I’m here with you now and it makes me happy enough.**

“I don’t really get how..”Yuuri admitted,” Following me must be totally boring.”

**I get to watch fantastic skating nearly every day. I get to watch those bad romantic comedies you like to spend your time on in the evenings. I get to follow you as you try to decide which brand of juice you’re going to buy for this week, and I get to see your soft eyes as you call your mom back home. I don’t think I’d need anything more. If I was alive, I would have loved to live with you. Me being dead doesn’t really change it.**

Yuuri could feel Victor’s hand ruffling his hair. **Come on katsudon. You’re not boring.**

“Compared to you, I am,”Yuuri said quietly, touching lightly his head Victor’s hand had just left.

**Yuuri…Why do you think I’m so amazing?** The Japanese man bit his lip, wondering what he should answer. It was Victor himself asking, Victor listening to his words. If it was anybody else, it would have been easy for Yuuri to go on and on about him, but now the thought of it felt scary and his tongue was heavy. “Well..You’re a brilliant skater,”he started unsurely, pulling his sleeves nervously.

**So are you.**

“You are loved by everybody,”Yuuri continued slowly.

**And you are going to be.**

“You smile to everyone and support me.”

**Which doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be able to do it too.**

Yuuri swallowed. ”You’re…really handsome.”

**And you think you’re not?** Yuuri’s eyes widened as he looked around with a questioning gaze hoping that his eyes would catch Victor’s. **Do you really think you’re not attractive, Yuuri?**

“…I’m not the best looking guy out there,”Yuuri muttered.

**…It’s really sad that nobody has told you how hot you are, you know. Especially while skating. It’s beautiful.**

”You think…I’m hot?”

**It’s not like I’m blind or have a bad taste. I’m not any more special than you. You should just believe in yourself a bit more. It would totally help you in competitions too.**

 

*

 

Victor closed the phone screen to keep himself from saying anything more. _I'm totally making this hard for myself_ , Victor mumbled.  _Typing things like this isn't what I should be doing._  Without knowing about Victor’s complicated thoughts Yuuri switched the TV on to help himself calm down. Victor Nikiforov calling him attractive made his heart beat a lot faster than it should have.

 

*

 

It was raining. The sky was gray and the raindrops kept hitting cars’ windows. Victor followed Yuuri close behind while the two made their way from the park back to Yuuri’s apartment building after a morning jog a sudden pouring rain had interrupted. They encountered a few people walking their dogs with unpleased looks on their faces but other than that there weren’t any people on the streets. The water kept creeping in through Yuuri’s shirt and his socks were completely wet. The raindrops on his cheeks looked like tears as his breath kept making little clouds to cold air. Victor wished he had an umbrella. It wasn’t like he could shield Yuuri from the rain with only his body when they both were moving. Protecting a person from the water falling from the skies obviously wasn’t something the heavens wanted him to do. He wasn’t totally sure whether he was doing anything they wanted him to though - he felt like he was protecting Yuuri because of his own will now, not because it was some kind of a chore.

Now, Victor wasn’t stupid. Neither was he clueless. He knew what he felt. He was quite sure that what he felt about Yuuri was a crush, something that made him want to keep the man all by himself, share gentle touches and be there whenever he was needed. But then again, Victor knew how to be realistic, how not to dream too big. He knew being dead and liking somebody that was alive weren’t an acceptable pair of things. He knew that every morning when Yuuri got up he would have to keep his loving glances to himself, no matter if Yuuri had hid posters on the walls and talked about him very highly. Falling love with a dead person was not considered normal, nor possible. It was something that just didn’t happen.

It kind of hurt- to watch Yuuri smile at the messages he typed, knowing, that Yuuri would never hear about thoughts he’s been having. He could flirt, he could make light touches- that’s the kind of person he’d always been. He’d never been good with personal space or being closed off. But something serious? A talk about real feelings? No, it was off limits now.

As Yuuri finally turned a key in the lock of his home door, the door opening with a squeaky sound, Victor felt somehow more tired than he probably should have. He had been thinking way too much. Thinking about how Yuuri had smiled while he had stopped to pet a cat that had happened to be on his way, thinking about Yuuri’s fascinated eyes when he’d watched Yuri Plisetsky perform in television yesterday, thinking about the feeling of jealousy in his chest when Yuuri had told him about his crush on Yuuko even though he knew that Yuuko was getting married soon. Victor knew he was being hopeless, and it made him hate himself. Of course he would feel affection towards somebody after following them so closely and sharing most of their interests while finding them to be extremely cute, but why did it have to be so strong and problematic for him? Why did he have to be so creedy?

Yuuri grabbed a towel to dry his hair with. Victor stared at a raindrop in Yuuri’s lashes until the man blinked and it wasn’t there anymore. Oh, how Victor hated days like these, the days he wanted to be alive.

”Victor?”Yuuri questioned, holding his towel in front of him with both hands.”Where are you?”

Victor sighed, touching Yuuri’s shoulder lightly as an answer. _Back to reality_ , he thought absently. _It’s probably better to stop dreaming anyways._

”Oh, wait a minute, stay there”Yuuri said, hanging his towel next to his jacket before shortly disappearing to his bathroom. Victor stood there, slightly confused, head tilted in a questioning position even though there was nobody to see that. Why would he have to wait now?

He was woken up from his thoughts as something soft collided with his face. He could feel a pair of hands pressing it against his skull, moving it around lightly, ruffling his hair with it. His heart was reacting before his head, and Victor could hear the beating of it getting loud inside his head. ”I thought you’d be wet too..”Yuuri mumbled quietly, as he pulled the towel he’d brought back from Victor’s face into his hair.

He smiled, lightly, is own damp hair resting on his face, looking directly up to Victor as the shape of the towel told him where he’d be. Yuuri’s hands rested on the nape of Victor’s neck, lightly pulling the short hair there as the corner of the towel hung messily on his face, covering his other eye. ”It’s important to dry yourself so you don’t get sick.”

Victor laughed, his voice not coming out as strong as he wanted it to. It didn’t matter anyways, he tried to remind himself. Yuuri wouldn’t hear him. Not his voice, not his heartbeat. It was fine. Yuuri’s eyes changed from soft to curious as he felt his phone shift from his pocket.

**I’m dead, I’m not going to get sick,** Victor wrote, his fingers shaking lightly. _Good,_ he thought, _this sounds calm enough. At least I can control what I'm writing_.

”Oh..”Yuuri whispered, his smile dropping.”That’s true.”

Seeing Yuuri’s expression change for worse Victor quickly added  **But thank you.**  Before returning Yuuri’s phone back to his pocket and taking a hold on one of Yuuri’s hands, lifting it from his hair to his cheek, holding it here for a few seconds, as long as he could without causing unnecessary questions. He did not want Yuuri to think he hated it, hated that he'd take care of him, even though it probably would have been for the better, since Victor knew he enjoyed it way too much.

”It’s cold,”Yuuri muttered.”Your cheek.”

”Your hand is warm. It helps,”Victor answered, knowing that Yuuri wouldn’t be able to make your his words. He could only feel Victor’s breathing against his wrist.

”What?” Yuuri questioned, and Victor closed his eyes to avoid those big brown ones, looking at him curiously. He was being weak enough already, and he didn’t really want it to get worse.

”Nothing you’d need to know, love.” Victor let go of Yuuri’s hand, letting it fall back to the younger skater’s side. A heavy silence fell upon them as Yuuri stared at the towel on Victor’s head, the only thing he could see. Victor shook his head slowly, starting to dry himself carelessly, trying to forget Yuuri’s hands on his hair. _I’m here to protect, not to be selfish_ , Victor reminded himself. _Yuuri still has a life ahead of him, and I’m not here to ruin it._

”Is something wrong?”Yuuri asked carefully, and Victor avoided his eyes hating the fact Yuuri could tell he wasn’t okay by looking at a _freaking towel_ he just happened to hold in his hands.

_Yes. There’s a lot wrong with my thoughts about you. I don’t know how I could have avoided not falling for you after all these years._ But instead of taking Yuuri’s phone in his hands an spelling it out he just dropped the towel he had been holding on the floor, passed Yuuri without touching him and disappeared into the living room, as far from Yuuri as he physically could. Somedays it was just hard for Victor to remember the line between things he was allowed and was not allowed to do. He wished he could just pool his thoughts, pick out the unnecessary ones and give them to somebody else, somebody who was alive and could be with Yuuri in all the ways a lover was supposed to be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update! >.< Thanks for everybody who has given me kudos, left a comment, bookmarked my story, recommended it to other people or subscribed to it! It all makes me happy. As always, I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes/typos/repetitive language/dull or weird sentences I might use/do, since I'm not a native speaker. Feel free to point out weird parts of the text and I'll try to fix them if my English skills are good enough for that. I hope you enjoy the chapter nonetheless! :)

Yuuri was leaning on the window, staring at the changing scenery as the bus he was sitting at made its way through the city. He was nervous, but he couldn’t tell whether he was shaking or if it was just because of the bus. The sound of the engine didn’t sound as clear as it could have and he felt a bit nauseous despite not having a tendency to get carsick very often. It was normal, to get nervous before competitions. Victor kept telling him that and he knew it himself too, but he couldn’t keep his hands from sweating and his heart beating way too fast.

Phitchit looked weirdly calm on the other side of the buss, eyeing his phone, probably going through Instagram. Yuuri was just a little bit jealous about his positive mood set.

**Why are you so concerned about how you will do? I have never seen you perform badly.**

Yuuri smiled lightly at his phone, though Victor’s words hadn’t really helped, but at least he tried, and Yuuri knew how to appreciate that.

”It’s not about whether I perform good or bad. It’s not good enough if my performance is good, it has to be at least great,”he muttered, trying to keep his voice down to avoid confusion with other passengers. He probably should’ve lifted his phone on his ear to avoid looking weird, since to normal person it seemed like he was talking to himself.

**Thinking about how you’ll do will make your skating look lifeless.**

Yuuri sighed, shrugging. ”I know. I just can’t help it.”

**You love skating. Just remember that and don’t let the pressure ruin it for you.**

”Mmmh. You make it sound so easy..”

**It’s not easy. But you can do it. I know you want to win, and to win you have to find your confidence.**

”..Were you always this nice?”Yuuri asked shyly, as the bus started to slow down to take a turn to the crowded parking lot filled with cars, people and cameras.

**Not really. Sometimes arrogance kind of got to me, but it’s fine.**

”I never saw you arrogant,”Yuuri admitted while zipping up his hoodie and gathering his things to exit the bus.

**You never saw me outside of TV screens and internet articles.**

”I wish I did, though.”

**I wish you did too.**

 

*

 

Yuuri’s costume felt unfamiliar on his skin. It was thin, silky and beautiful, nothing like the lazy pants and loose shirts he had been wearing lately. It didn’t let him forget where he was, neither did the distant screams of the finding their way through the dressing room door. Yuuri was there, alone in the room surrounded by lockers and benches, as everybody else had already left to do their warm up. It had always been hard for him, to follow everybody out there. He knew what messing up before his performance meant for his confidence and score, so making mistakes during the warm up was his worst nightmare.

**You should go.**

”I know,”Yuuri said, shaking his head slowly. ”I _know_.”

**I know you’re good enough to beat them**.

”How?”

**Because I am good enough to beat them, and sometimes I think you’re going to be better than me.**

”I could never be better than you,”Yuuri mumbled, watching as the letters appeared on his screen. Victor was so fast at typing.

**Anybody could be better than me if they tried hard enough and were gifted. At the moment though, I think I’d like you to be the one to top my score. If it was anybody else, it would bother me.**

”..Why? Is it really okay if it’s me?” Yuuri questioned, his voice little and unsure.

**I have my pride, which I won’t be giving up easily. But for you, I just might be ready to do it. I know you, and I think you’re the kind of person I’d want to see standing on the podium with a gold medal. I don’t want to lose but if anybody ever has to beat my score I’d want it to be you. It wouldn’t feel good to lose but at the same time I would be so proud of you.**

”Victor..”

**Come on. You have to go. You can do it.**

Yuuri smiled a little, noticing it was a lot easier than a few moments ago. ”Saying that makes you sound like some kind of a cheerleader.”

**I can be your cheerleader if that’s what it takes for you to feel better.**

Yuuri stood up, his skates starting to familiar again. His heart was still racing and his palms were sweating, but the ice waiting for him started to feel more like home than a distant battlefield. ”Thank you, Victor,” Yuuri whispered.

**You’re welcome.**

”Oh, and also one more thing. Don’t prevent me from falling, it would be unfair for other competitors, ”he continued carefully, pushing the door open and extending his hand to take his phone back from Victor.

**I’m a sportsman too, you know. I know the rules. But if it looks like it’s really going to hurt I’ll do something.**

Yuuri lifted his gaze from the phone screen and smiled. ”I guess we’ll have to settle for that then.”

 

*

 

The feeling of being in a hall filled with screaming people definitely wasn’t new to Victor. On the contrary it felt like home, like living. The energetic atmosphere filled with excitement, nervousness and waiting hung in the air as Victor followed Yuuri from the dim hallway to the bright lights. He knew how things worked. He knew exactly what he would do if he took part in the competition. He knew what he would feel at that moment – he’d be nervous, his heart would be beating loudly, his mouth would feel a bit dry and his brain would come up with stupid scenarios of him failing a jump or to impress the audience with his performance but he’d cover it up with confidence. He’s skate in the middle of the rink, flash a gorgeous smile at the audience and start his program, jump, kick and spin. He’d end up being out of breath, waiting for the judges to give him the numbers that would decide whether he was about to stay on top of the figure skating world or if it finally was a time to give the gold medal to somebody else. Victor had loved all of that. But today it wasn’t about him. It was about Yuuri.

Victor kept staring at the Japanese man with worried eyes. Yuuri’s hands had stopped shaking, which they had been doing a while ago, so that was a good sign. Yuuri’s eyes, however, had still a little panic left.

Victor knew Yuuri would be okay. He trusted him enough to think that. It was just that worrying about Yuuri seemed to be some kind of instinct to him nowadays. He wondered whether it was because of his supposed job of protecting the Japanese man or if it was because of something completely different, something that was way more humane, and closer to his heart.

Yuuri’s black costume followed the lines of his body closely, and Victor found himself drifting off. He knew very well he shouldn’t be giving any thought for Yuuri’s ass or his lips but on the other hand he couldn’t really help it. It felt like losing, in a way. Victor wished he could control his thoughts better. It wasn’t like he could act according to them anyways. He wished they would just shut up. He didn’t need them. He loved skating, and that’s what he should’ve focused on.

Phitchit was called on the ice as the first competitor, and he passed Yuuri smiling as brightly as ever. Yuuri told him good luck and patted him on the back. A happy music started playing and everybody else’s but Victor’s eyes were glued on the Thai man starting his program, moving fast to his first jumps. Victor, however, kept watching Yuuri, following his eyes and the way he’d look so excited for his friend. He’d cheer and smile and _oh_ , how Victor wished he could be skating out there, how he wished Yuuri’s eyes would follow him like that, look at him with so much joy and admiration. And there he was, thinking about wrong things _yet again_.

As Phitchit’s performance ended with a loud applause with roses and toys thrown on the ice, Yuuri’s smile turned into a serious look as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He would be the next one. He clenched his fists and bit his lip. Victor shook his head, deciding he would not just stand there and wait for it to start without doing anything. He took a few careful steps to get closer to Yuuri and waited for Yuuri’s coach to finish talking before softly touching Yuuri’s hand, covering his fist with his palm and leaning closer to whisper into his ear. _”You can do it.”_

Yuuri turned to face him as he knew where Victor would be because of the warm breath tickling his ear, and smiled lightly, muttering under his breath, ”You know I can’t hear you.”

_”It doesn’t matter as long as you know that I’m here for you,_ ”Victor said, and smiled as Yuuri’s fingers pressed against his own for a short while before the cold sound of the speakers told it was time for Yuuri to go.

 

*

 

**Congratulations.**

The silver medal hung on Yuuri’s neck, and he was carrying a bouquet of roses. His face was still a bit red and his eyes a little teary from joy, and Victor thought it was one of the prettiest faces he’d seen on Yuuri and it took some self-control from him to stop himself from doing anything stupid. Victor wondered when he’d become so weak. Before his death he’d pretty much had the control over his life even though he was surrounded by many people who tried to tell him what to do. Now, however, nobody told him to do anything, and he was feeling more problematic than ever.

”Thanks,”Yuuri said into the empty room he’d locked himself into, just to be able to talk to Victor for a while. Yuuri wanting to spend the first minutes after competition with him made Victor feel a bit dizzier than it should have.

**You looked beautiful out there** , Victor typed hesitantly, suddenly feeling unconfident about whether it was a normal thing to say. It was weird, since he hardly ever had problems with his confidence.

Yuuri blushed lightly and Victor shook his head by himself. _What the fuck am I doing? He’s way too cute._

“I could never look as good as you did, though,”Yuuri mumbled, wrapping his fingers around his medal. “If I was you I would be holding a gold medal now.”

**I might have won gold here, that’s true. But I’ve never been so captivated by somebody’s skating in my life as I was by you just now.**

Yuuri looked up from his phone screen with widened eyes. Victor swallowed. Why was it so hard to keep calm now? It had been just fine in his first years with Yuuri. Why couldn’t he just go back in time to the days when his biggest concern was to keep Yuuri from falling or running under a car instead of trying to control himself to avoid doing things dead people probably shouldn’t do.

“I never thought I’d hear that from you.”

**I never thought I would say it to anybody** , Victor admitted.

“It’s just that..You’re Victor.”

**I am. And I’m here with you now. I’m not distant anymore. You should just get used to it.**

Yuuri smiled lightly. “Yeah, I guess I should.”

 

*

 

The party in the evening was crazy once again. Victor knew it was going to be. Figure skaters definitely knew how to hold a good after party, and even though everybody arrived all dressed up and spent the first hour on sophisticated chats between coaches, managers and skaters, the later it got, the crazier it went. Yuuri wasn’t an exception, and Victor didn’t hide his sigh as Yuuri took a hold on his first glass of champagne. There was nobody to hear it anyways.

The thing was that Victor didn’t mind Yuuri getting drunk. He minded all the people approaching the drunk Yuuri, since the Japanese lost all the sense of personal bubble when he was tipsy, and he’d let people press so close to him it made Victor bite his lip until it was bleeding. _Mine_ , his brain kept chanting, and he tried his best to not to listen. Still, even though he was well aware of the fact Yuuri wasn’t something he could call his own, he felt like a little angry dog protecting his owner as he stopped his and from grabbing the collar of a shirt a man talking to Yuuri was wearing, because just having a basic talk about how well Yuuri had skated didn’t need to include so much touching or so seductive voice. And Victor knew he was being kind of two-faced here – it wasn’t like he kept his distance to Yuuri while talking to him either, but on the other hand he wasn’t some random guy that Yuuri had just met.

Victor wasn’t a stranger to one night stands, so he knew this was fine, in theory. Practically speaking however, it wasn’t fine for Victor at all. It felt like somebody was stealing from him, and he’d just have to do his best to erase the word mine from his thoughts. People weren’t something to be owned. He was just wondering how bad it would be if he just tore the strange man away from Yuuri, before Phitchit arrived to save the day.

“Yuuri!”he cheered, and Victor was surprised how he was still able to walk a straight line unlike anybody else in the room.

“Phitchiiiit!”Yuuri squealed, walking past the man he had been talking with, leaving him hanging. Victor would have felt bad for him if he wasn’t so relieved about that the strange man’s hand had left Yuuri’s shoulder. It made him feel like he could breathe again.

“How’re you doing?”Phitchit asked.

”Goood,”Yuuri slurred and almost collided with a girl passing by. Victor took a light hold on the sleeve of Yuuri’s suit to make sure he’d be ready if Yuuri was about to fall or run into somebody.

”Who was he?”Phitchit questioned, gesturing the guy Yuuri had left behind.

”I don’t know!”the Japanese man answered a little bit too loud, and Victor laughed. Yuuri really was such a lightweight.

”..At least you’re not talking about Victor this time,”Phitchit mumbled under his breath.

”Victor!”Yuuri’s voice rose higher.”He’s here with me.”

”Oh Yuuri…He’s not,”Phitchit sighed, half sadly, half amused.

”He is though. You just can’t see him!”Yuuri proclaimed, smiling widely.”He’s protecting me.”

”Well, I’m not sure whether you still think that Victor’s here when you sober up, but have fun while it lasts,”Phitchit muttered, ruffling Yuuri’s hair lightly. Victor couldn’t quite wrap his head around why Phitchit seemed so sober after so many glasses of alcohol.

”He’s here. Right here,”Yuuri said, his hand colliding with Victor’s chest. For a while Victor felt nothing but confusion. How could Yuuri tell he was there? For a moment he had little hopes about that maybe Yuuri had been able to see him for just a few seconds, before the surprised look on Yuuri’s face told him it had been only a coincidence. ”Oh,”Yuuri voiced, his hand grabbing the material of Victor’s invisible shirt. Victor wished his heartbeat wasn’t as strong as it sounded inside his head. It was something Yuuri didn’t need to feel.”He really is right here. Come on. You can…Like..Shake his hand. Come on, shake hands with Victor!”

The look on Phitchit’s face was incredulous as he offered his hand to Yuuri. ”Well, if you really want, give me a hand to shake then.”

Victor swallowed hard as Yuuri’s fingers travelled on his chest, shoulder and arm before crawling around his wrist. Was it really ok, to let Phitchit know? Would it be fine now as the next day the Thai man would probably think of it as something stupid he’d come up with while drunk? Was it really okay to let him know he was there, following Yuuri around? Was it okay to break just another border he shouldn’t break?

His fingers touched Phitchit’s, and it was already too late to turn back now.

*


End file.
